Paragraph analysis with Point, Evidence, Comment

This student writer has used Point, Evidence, Comment to analyse and re-structure one paragraph of their essay on physiotherapy treatment for patients with MS. Can you see the changes that they have made at each stage of their re-drafting process?

For each example, identify Point, Evidence, Comment, and discuss the ways in which the writer has re-structured their ideas.

[Please note that these extracts are purely to demonstrate structuring and re-drafting processes. The facts and evidence are not necessarily accurate!]

Paragraph Draft 1

Bandy and Irion (1994) examined the length of time a muscle should be sustained in a stretched position to maximally increase flexibility. They compared the effect of holding a stretch for 15, 30 or 60 seconds on 57 subjects with limited hamstring muscle flexibility, once daily, for a 6 week period. The results showed 30 or 60 seconds to be the most effective time period in terms of increasing the range of motion. Similarly, a study by Roberts and Wilson (1999) investigated the effect of stretching duration in muscles of the lower limb, and discovered that 15 seconds was more beneficial than 5. However, these studies do not give a long term view into the effect of stretching as they only ran for 5 and 6 weeks. Furthermore, the mean age of participants in the first study was 20, whereas MS has its peak incidence between the ages of 25 and 35 (Stokes 2004).

Paragraph Draft 2

There is much debate over the optimal time period to sustain a stretch. Bandy and Irion (1994) examined the length of time a muscle should be sustained in a stretched position to maximally increase flexibility. They compared the effect of holding a stretch for 15, 30 or 60 seconds on 57 subjects with limited hamstring muscle flexibility, once daily, for a 6 week period. The results showed 30 or 60 seconds to be the most effective time period in terms of increasing the range of motion. Similarly, a study by Roberts and Wilson (1999) investigated the effect of stretching duration in muscles of the lower limb, and discovered that 15 seconds was more beneficial than 5. However, these studies do not give a long term view into the effect of stretching as they only ran for 5 and 6 weeks. This is significant in a condition such as MS as it is chronic and therefore a longer-term look into the effects of stretching would be more viable. Furthermore, the mean age of participants in the first study was 20, whereas MS has its peak incidence between the ages of 25 and 35 (Stokes 2004).

Paragraph Draft 3

There is much debate over the optimal time period to sustain a stretch. Studies suggest that stretches are more effective if held for longer periods of time, but not all of the research can be applied to patients with MS. Bandy and Irion (1994) examined the length of time a muscle should be sustained in a stretched position to maximally increase flexibility. They compared the effect of holding a stretch for 15, 30 or 60 seconds on 57 subjects with limited hamstring muscle flexibility, once daily, for a 6 week period. The results showed 30 or 60 seconds to be the most effective time period in terms of increasing the range of motion. Similarly, a study by Roberts and Wilson (1999) investigated the effect of stretching duration in muscles of the lower limb, and discovered that 15 seconds was more beneficial than 5. However, these studies do not give a long term view into the effect of stretching as they only ran for 5 and 6 weeks. This is significant in a condition such as MS as it is chronic and therefore a longer-term look into the effects of stretching would be more viable. Furthermore, the average age of participants in the first study was 20, whereas MS has its peak incidence between the ages of 25 and 35 (Stokes 2004). It seems, therefore, that further research into the long term effects of stretching, on a more representative range of patients, would help physiotherapists to improve their treatment of patients with MS.