Your first meeting - The 'Chemistry conversation'

A suggested structure for students

People sat drinking coffee.

Building rapport is key in the early stages of any mentorship, so we're encouraging mentees to spend some time in their first meeting just getting to know their mentor and connecting with them. Building this chemistry will make it much easier to move onto more open discussions about their career.

We recommend your mentee use their first interactions to ask lots of questions and find common interests or values. We're therefore suggesting the structure below to help mentees get off to the best start:

First 5 minutes - Conversation starters for mentees

We have a real range of students applying for mentoring, some of whom will be confident speaking to new people, and others where this is their first real example of meeting an adult professional outside of their normal social circle. One of the key benefits of mentoring is giving students a safe space to practice professional communication skills, so it's important to recognise things may be a bit awkward at first and your mentee may take some time adjusting to the dynamic.

We do provide students with a few conversation prompts to kick things off, and whilst these may seem obvious statements or questions to an experienced professional, they may help uneasy, anxious or neurodiverse students to know where to start:

How're you doing today?
How was your journey?
Have you got a busy week this week?
(If on campus) Have you been to campus before/when was the last time you were on campus?
Observations
- 'It's busy in here today'.
- Professional compliments - 'I like your notebook', 'I have the same laptop', 'I like your coat/shoes'. (We do say it's best to keep compliments appropriate and focussed on things a person has control over (i.e. things, not their appearance).

25-35 minutes - Getting to know each other

We encourage mentees to use this time to simply get to know their mentor, and ease into the conversation. We provide mentees with a few suggested conversation starters below to ask their mentor:

What do you like to do in your spare time outside of work?
- What are you reading right now?
- What’s on your bucket list?
- What is your favourite music or film?
What was your educational experience like?
What's your biggest skill?
What's something you find difficult?
What is your favourite thing about your career?

We also encourage them to make sure they provide some background about themselves and their own experiences. If they're not initially forth coming with this you may want to ask them:

What are you studying? How are you finding it?
What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
What's coming up in your life? Interviews, exams, celebrations, travel?
If you have any part-time work or volunteering duties alongside their degree, what are they.

There's no rush in the first meeting. We want your mentee to treat this relationship like a mentorship and ideally not as a one-off meeting, so taking some time at the start to establish rapport will hopefully aid this.

15 minutes - The Mentoring agreement (Agreeing boundaries, expectations and meeting locations)

This year we'd like to strongly encourage mentees and mentors to use our Mentoring agreement to agree how your follow on meetings will progress, how you both will communicate, how long meetings will be and also how often. We strongly recommend completing a copy with your mentee as part of your first meeting and that you both retain a copy.

The agreement will help you both think about the following:

Some ‘ground rules’ for the relationship in your first few interactions. We will be making clear the expectations of the programme to new mentees, but it's helpful to remind them of these as part of the agreement.
Boundaries for the relationship so both parties are clear about how, when and how often they will interact.
A schedule for your meetings.
Busy periods and key dates in both your diaries.

Please make sure you also read our guidance on meeting locations.

Conversation moving quickly?

We recognise that some mentees will adjust to the mentoring dynamic much more readily, and may be ready more to move onto discussions about their career more quickly. Whilst it's important to build some rapport with their mentor first, your mentee may want to move on to ask questions from our mentee question bank or suggest activities for you both to complete in your meetings. That's fine if so, we do just say to mentees to remember it's a marathon, not a race. Over the course of 6 meetings there should be plenty of time to cover all questions they have.

Guidance on meeting in person.

To ensure a positive experience for both mentors and mentees, it's important to set boundaries during the first meeting. Face-to-face meetings can be a valuable format for mentoring for meetings going forward, offering a more personal connection. Remember though, your meetings with your mentee do not have to be face-to-face as they can be undertaken online or over the phone. It's important to discuss what would be best for you and your mentee as part of setting boundaries at the beginning.

If you and your mentee are happy to hold face-to-face meetings, we recommend meeting in semi-confidential spaces within a professional setting, such as a coffee shop or a meeting room at a work location. We'd advise against places like bars or pubs where it strays away from being a professional setting.

If you both agree to meet on campus, you could consider the following:

Aston Webb - Bramall café
Sports Centre - Costa
Muirhead Tower café
Guild of Students - Costa or reception area
Library - Ground Floor Café

To view these locations, please see our Edgbaston Campus Map (PDF). Please avoid meeting in bars and similar to emphasise this is a professional meeting.

If you feel uncomfortable about the venue suggested for a mentoring meeting by your mentee, you can propose an alternative location. However, if you have any concerns about your mentee, please contact the Careers Network immediately at mentoring@contacts.bham.ac.uk.

Overall, it's good to agree a format that both parties feel comfortable with and that your meetings are a safe space for fostering trust and open communication.