Activity

Step 1

Making connections

This student attempts to use quotations from her source material on treatment of homosexuality in Early Modern Europe

Look at the short extract. The student has incorporated some quotations to support her argument but she could have done this more effectively.
What comments would you make to help her?

Notes - please read before you start

NOTE: please read before you start

Points to note

This exercise is rather tricky! If you have trouble following the commentary, print out the separated sentences, cut them up and have a good look. If you are still stuck, feel free to just note the technique and move on.
This essay is the work of a fellow student. To reproduce any part of it without acknowledging the source would be plagiarism. As would any reproduction of the reformulated paragraph below

Extract from one student essay

Why were some social groups persecuted in the ways that they were Early Modern Europe?

Sexism and patriarchal demands on behaviour did not solely affect women and their subordination but also applied to male behaviour, especially in terms of homosexuality; ‘Far more men than women were prosecuted for homosexuality’, however ‘evidence and treatment of homosexuality in the Renaissance depends greatly on age, sex, class, and power of participants’. Therefore many of the records are sporadic and potentially misleading, however male homosexuality is most recorded within noble and royal classes, as is lesbianism however, there are far more documented male cases. For instance there are; ‘Four sketchily known cases of lesbianism in 16^th century France’. This “Sketchy” knowledge of lesbianism within the renaissance are multiple; ‘the phallocentric view of human sexuality…women could be attracted to men and women to women and men to men but there was nothing a woman could do to satisfy another woman’. Therefore lesbianism was generally ignored in many communities’ most notably Britain, where lesbianism was never legally accused of sodomy and therefore was not punishable under the 1290 sodomites death penalty; and has never explicitly been outlawed unlike male homosexuality, whereas ‘French law codes saw it as on par with male homosexuality and punishable by death’. The British view of lesbianism is again due to the patriarchal and male centric culture and society of early modern Europe.

Suggested reformulation

Reformulation

Societal demands on sexual behaviour did not solely affect women but also applied to males, especially in terms of homosexuality. In fact, ‘far more men than women were prosecuted for homosexuality’ (citation X). However, Y points out that the amount of available evidence and the treatment of homosexuals and lesbians during the Renaissance period 'depends greatly on age, sex, class, and power of participants' (citation Y). This paucity of evidence can lead to misinterpretation, as Y implies that it is possible to conclude from the documentary evidence available that homosexuality was confined to royalty and the nobility, and was predominantly a male practice. Indeed, there are only ‘four sketchily known cases' of lesbianism in 16^th century France. Not only was there little evidence of the existence of lesbianism during the Renaissance period, there was little understanding of what it might mean in practice: ‘The phallocentric view of human sexuality [assumed that] women could be attracted to men, and women to women and men to men, but there was nothing a woman could do to satisfy another woman’. Therefore it is clear that lesbianism was generally ignored in many communities, most notably in Britain, where lesbians were never legally accused of sodomy and therefore were not punishable under the 1290 sodomites act (?). In fact, lesbianism has never explicitly been outlawed, unlike male homosexuality, whereas ‘French law codes saw it as on par with male homosexuality and punishable by death’ (citation). This British view of lesbianism can again be put down to the patriarchal and androcentric culture of most early modern European societies.

Points for reflection

Do you find the second version easier to read?
If so, then how did I do it?

Moving on

Step 2 Unpacking some problems